alright. i need everyone's attention. first of all, i am not jess. you may not know me, but that's okay because i don't matter right now. what matters is that TODAY IS JESS'S BIRTHDAY. oh, and not only is it her birthday, but she's turning the big eighteen. HOLLA!!! *throws confetti and blares Les Mis music* (actually, since jess is in new zealand right now, technically her birthday was yesterday, but for all of us americans, it's today. that lovely and confusing thing called time difference, dontcha know.)

ANYWAY MOVING ON TO THE IMPORTANT THINGS NOW.

so. this gal named jess. she's wonderful and hysterical and down-to-earth and hysterical and british (i'm sorry, OF COURSE I MEANT A KIWI) and hysterical and she drinks coffee by the truckload and honestly she makes the blogging world a better place with her hysterical little richard-armitage-loving self. and you know what, lil' jess? i'm sure everyone agrees with me because we all love you. lots and lots.

so happy birthday, jessy. i love you tons and i hope you don't mind me hacking your blog today. (i mean, i never asked permission but i did give you fair warning... several months ago, anyway. you know, that's why you shouldn't keep me as an author on your blog. *insert evil laugh*) Anyway... on behalf of everyone who reads your blog, thanks for being the adorable lil' sheep that you are.

and now, to all you lovely people who read this blog... WHILE I FLOOD THIS POST WITH EPIC PICTURES OF JESS, YOU GUYS FLOOD THE COMMENTS SECTION AND REALLY REALLY EMBARRASS HER BY TELLING HER HOW AMAZING SHE IS AND HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER, OKAY? SHE'LL LOVE IT, I PROMISE.

ha. ha. mwuahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

(and do ya'll want to know the really funny thing? well, lil' jess is sleeping away in new zealand right now, so this post will be up for several hours before she ever sees anything. the deed is done, and there's nothing she can do about it.)

k i'm done now bye.