20 October 2012

on a serious note

ok, so let's face it. I'm not often very serious. I like to joke around and tease and take things lightly. I don't make a big deal out of much and I'm not the dramatic type. but lately, God has drawn my attention to so much in my life. you guys always write such beautiful comments and you always say such complimentary things, but honestly? I'm not all that great. it's so nice to hear you say stuff like that and yeah, to be honest (ready yourself for a lot of this), it does make me feel good and happy. buuuut, I'm not wonderful or amazing or spectacular.

let me tell you about myself as I am naturally. as I am in my human-est of natures. as I am in my flesh.
like I said before, I take things lightly, I'm not dramatic, I'm sarcastic, I'm cynical, I don't find it easy to love, I'm critical, and I find it difficult to be dependent. 

but, when I allow God to fill my heart with Him, all of those things are turned around.
God can help me to take things more seriously, help me to think deeper, give me a gentler spirit, fill me with His love, give me compassion and help me to depend on Him.

the world would tell us that being sarcastic and cynical and critical and independent is a good thing. all of the people the media places in front of us are full of these characteristics and they're called the heros/heroines. we look up to them and unconsciously, our actions and thoughts influenced by them. 
I have been reading a book lately that has made me think so deeply into the things I do and why I do them or why I don't do them. why I reacted to what he said. why I snapped back to what she said. why I was angry about what he just did. why I spent twenty minutes thinking about things I think I need to buy. 

all these actions, thoughts, words, they display a lack of humility. they display my human, fleshly heart. they display how I'm not walking in the Spirit. and then when I'm feeling annoyed at myself for having been that way, I look to other things to distract me. I see your lovely comments and think, 'well, I'm not all that bad.' (which is my fault), or I go on pinterest and look at things that could make me truly content, if only I had them. I don't read my Bible as often as I should and I don't pray the unselfish prayers that I want to pray. I'm not having a big boo-hoo session, saying how terrible I am, but honestly, without Jesus, I am pretty dang awful. we all are. and I don't want to live a life of, "hey, well, look, Jesus loves me and it doesn't matter if I keep on sinning. my life is mine and He is just there to pop in every so often to check how I'm going, so I'll just do whatever.". I want to live a real life that means something. not mean something to others - I mean, sure I want others to be impacted by God through me - but to mean something to God.
I want God to take full possession of my heart, and you know something? it doesn't just require us to say, "here, God, take my heart! have it all!" it requires us to say that, yes, and also be prepared and willing for the actions He might take to make that heart fully clean for Him to fill with His Spirit. God wants us to be humble, and sometimes it takes a lot and a long time for us to be broken before Him, but when we are at that place? nothing is more beautiful.

You make me beautiful 
You make me stand in awe 
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed 
I love to hear You say 
Who I am is quite enough 
You make me worthy of love and beautiful.
beautiful // bethany dillon

love you all.
xox jess 

also incredibly inspired by these two girls, who rock my world and whose posts prompted me to write what I should have written a while ago:
jenn & petie


  1. Thank you for this. I really needed to read that today.

  2. This is beautiful, and I kinda sorta have been feeling the same way. <3

    Rachel Nicole @ Summer Breeze


    ps-giveaway at my blog!

  3. this was awesome, jess - i loved it. thank you so much for standing and sharing your heart with us. xo

  4. "I want to live a real life that means something. not mean something to others - I mean, sure I want others to be impacted by God through me - but to mean something to God." Yes, that struck me. So often I focus on wanting to impact others and look for others approval of what I do, but I want God to be the focus of my life. I want to please Him in all that I do and I want to mean something to Him. Thank you for writing this, Jess. It is really encouraging.



  5. Amen sister! It's so true. We need to see things the way God sees them - including ourselves. Thank you!

  6. Wow Jess, I believe you hit the nail on the head. I knew what you mean, I struggle with some of the same things you do.
    Love the honestly in this.
    I'll be praying for you (and me).

  7. Yes, Jess. This is SO true... thank you for writing this, girl. You are incredibly wise, and marvelous, mostly because you are honest, and you are YOU. And God will use that, because He wants us to be who He made us--not constantly struggling to be someone else. :)



  8. I have been thinking about this a bit recently...your words are so lovely and have really helped. Thanks Jess :)

  9. What a great goal that your setting for you blog, Jess. I hope you will accomplish it. :) Take care, and may the Lord continue to work in you for His great pleasure!.

  10. Wonderfully said, my darling Jess. Without Jesus we are all lost and messed up. but with him, we are beautiful and freed. we're still not perfect, but we do have a perfect God. =)

    Thank you for this post, my pumpkin.

  11. This is prolly one of my favoritest posts you've done since I've started following you!! I loved it. I desperatley want to live my life for Jesus, so this was definitley an encouragement for me! Thank you!!


  12. pray tell, whats the book?? sounds like i need to read it :)

    1. the book is called "the calvary road" and it is reeeeally...just wow. it's super convicting and sometimes very hard to read, but I encourage you to read it all the way through!

  13. Thank you so very much for this post. When I first started blogging all the nice compliments were so baffling. Not that they don't make you feel wonderful, like you said, but a lot of times it doesn't feel real. You kind of shake your head in disbelief and laugh, thinking "hah, if these people were only around when I snapped at a friend or was a total dork then what would they think of me?" So again, thanks for telling the truth.

  14. oh honey sweet baby darling. I so get this. especially those of us with an independent spirit and sarcastic sense of humor? yup. it happens. it's hard to just surrender and let him be your everything, but you're so so right, that nothing is more beautiful when you hit that point. it's crazy how I can weirdly have like the best week of my life after I finally decide to turn things over to God, and then I'm like "WHY DIDN'T I DO THIS BEFORE?!" ahem. anyway I may be rambling totally off-topic, but I love you, and Jesus loves you more than me, and that must be a lot of love because I love you one heck of an awful lot. so.

  15. Wow. AMEN Jess. :)
    None of us are good. None of us are perfect. We ALL are sinners. I know that I struggle with some of the things you do too sometimes. As Christians it's so easy to "say it", but living it is the hard part. If people saw how I acted most of the time, they wouldn't think I was very nice either. But those of us that are Christians,God can help us to overcome our sins and struggles.

    LORD, help us.

    Hey, let's chat sometime.

    <3 <3 Leah

  16. dude. this is just what I needed right now! thanks, just thanks!

  17. this is wonderful, thank you. I certainty understand/feel everything you wrote. We serve an amazing
    God, that's for sure! thank you for sharing you heart and writing this!

  18. Jess-
    I stumbled upon your blog today and I am so delighted that I did. It is absolutely beautiful and a blessing. Amen sister! Love this. So excited to start following your blog and glad we can become blogging buddies.


  19. beautiful post!! love your writing style and your heart.


  20. Wow Jess! I just came across your blog and it is amazing! I love that picture at the top as well. :)I can't wait to get to know you a bit more..I'm now a new follower of your blog! :D