on a serious note

ok, so let's face it. I'm not often very serious. I like to joke around and tease and take things lightly. I don't make a big deal out of much and I'm not the dramatic type. but lately, God has drawn my attention to so much in my life. you guys always write such beautiful comments and you always say such complimentary things, but honestly? I'm not all that great. it's so nice to hear you say stuff like that and yeah, to be honest (ready yourself for a lot of this), it does make me feel good and happy. buuuut, I'm not wonderful or amazing or spectacular.

let me tell you about myself as I am naturally. as I am in my human-est of natures. as I am in my flesh.

like I said before, I take things lightly, I'm not dramatic, I'm sarcastic, I'm cynical, I don't find it easy to love, I'm critical, and I find it difficult to be dependent. 

but, when I allow God to fill my heart with Him, all of those things are turned around.

God can help me to take things more seriously, help me to think deeper, give me a gentler spirit, fill me with His love, give me compassion and help me to depend on Him.

the world would tell us that being sarcastic and cynical and critical and independent is a good thing. all of the people the media places in front of us are full of these characteristics and they're called the heros/heroines. we look up to them and unconsciously, our actions and thoughts influenced by them. 

I have been reading a book lately that has made me think so deeply into the things I do and why I do them or why I don't do them. why I reacted to what he said. why I snapped back to what she said. why I was angry about what he just did. why I spent twenty minutes thinking about things I think I need to buy. 

all these actions, thoughts, words, they display a lack of humility. they display my human, fleshly heart. they display how I'm not walking in the Spirit. and then when I'm feeling annoyed at myself for having been that way, I look to other things to distract me. I see your lovely comments and think, 'well, I'm not all that bad.' (which is my fault), or I go on pinterest and look at things that could make me truly content, if only I had them. I don't read my Bible as often as I should and I don't pray the unselfish prayers that I want to pray. I'm not having a big boo-hoo session, saying how terrible I am, but honestly, without Jesus, I am pretty dang awful. we all are. and I don't want to live a life of, "hey, well, look, Jesus loves me and it doesn't matter if I keep on sinning. my life is mine and He is just there to pop in every so often to check how I'm going, so I'll just do whatever.". I want to live a real life that means something. not mean something to others - I mean, sure I want others to be impacted by God through me - but to mean something to God.
I want God to take full possession of my heart, and you know something? it doesn't just require us to say, "here, God, take my heart! have it all!" it requires us to say that, yes, and also be prepared and willing for the actions He might take to make that heart fully clean for Him to fill with His Spirit. God wants us to be humble, and sometimes it takes a lot and a long time for us to be broken before Him, but when we are at that place? nothing is more beautiful.

You make me beautiful 

You make me stand in awe 

You step inside my heart, and I am amazed 

I love to hear You say 

Who I am is quite enough 

You make me worthy of love and beautiful.
beautiful // bethany dillon

love you all.
xox jess 

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also incredibly inspired by these two girls, who rock my world and whose posts prompted me to write what I should have written a while ago:
jenn & petie